All my life I wish I broke mirrors instead of promises
Cause all I see is a shattered conscience staring right back at me
–Owl City, “Tidal Wave”
There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t feel adequate to the task that has been set before me. I don’t think it is that I’m unmotivated, ignorant, or incompetent. The remedy isn’t motivation or inspiration, knowledge or a better grasp of the principles, skill training or workshops in my profession.
The problem is sin.
More specifically, the broken relationship between myself and God which infects and corrupts everything and everyone I touch. I see it as I struggle within my soul as I struggle to perceive and respond to God. I see it in my relationships as my lack of care, self-absorption, and failed intentions conspire to damage even those I love the most. I see it as I fail to act justly towards exploited creation and people.
So Ash Wednesday has become something good for me. Lent is an exciting time of year now, neither oppresive nor scary. Why?
“Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return. Repent and believe the Gospel.”
The liturgical act of ashing and these words spoken over each & every person of faith assembled gives me new life. Bizarre! But it couples together three central truths of Christian faith in word & sign.
“Remember that you are dust”
We are created. Not a one of us made ourselves, or even asked for it. In this, we are in solidarity with every single person in the world, every part, plant, and planet in existence. And our creation was neither accidental nor malevolent but out of love.
“and to dust you shall return.”
We are mortal & finite. The lives we have will end, like everyone else. Even our works & sub-creations will cease. I love Percy Bysse Shelley’s famous sonnet “Ozymandias” for its expose of our arrogance and pride. The other side of this is that our sin will also cease. Our brokenness, failures, and pain will end as well.
“Repent and believe the Gospel.”
And the good news comes now, that the stuff in between belongs to God as well. What Jesus does in life, death, resurrection, and ascension means we are chosen by God. “Christ is God’s never-changing Yes.” We are never out of God’s love: so our responsibility is to respond. Repent. Believe.
So I love this time in the liturgical calendar. Not because I get to abuse my body, or buy my way into God’s good graces, but because all my effort-full facades are revealed for the shams that they are. And I can truly turn away from the idol of self-sufficiency and rest in God’s impossibly unbounded love.
Being a pastor makes this sense of failure & responsibility stronger. Maybe that’s why I like Owl City’s “Tidal Wave” so much [Listen on blip.fm]. It evokes all of my frailty and failure, the shattered conscience staring right back at me. But then…
Then I was given grace and love
I was blind but now I can see
Cause I’ve found a new hope from above
And courage swept over me…
The end is uncertain
And I’ve never been so afraid
But I don’t need a telescope to see that there’s hope
And that makes me feel brave
May faith, hope, and love find you — and me — when we least expect it…and give us the courage to follow God’s lead, during Lent and into the “world without end.” +
expatminister
spiritstirrer
